Celebs in the City

I have lived in NY all my life, so it would be weird if I did not meet/see some celebrities along the way.

James Brown:
I saw him when I was 16 outside the Plaza Hotel. There was a huge crowd, so my friend and I rushed over to see what the hype was all about. Someone shouted "It's Tom Cruise", and my friend practically ran everyone over. It was not 1/2 of future TomKat, but The Godfather of Soul himself. He was entering his white stretch limo, wearing a glittery, purple suit. "Who the man" he asked, and then he said he loved us all and blew kisses. My friend got a pic of the back of his head. He really appreciated his fans.

Mr. Cheeks (The Lost Boyz):
I was near The Colosseum in Jamaica, walking towards Jamaica Ave. Some random guy was asking for my number, and he kept running into people, so I wasn't really paying attention. All of a sudden his "friend" said "Shorty you know who I am"? I was like "Yes!" Then Mr. Cheeks asked the guy if I was his "shorty", and told me peace out. I had a bit of trouble recognizing him, he is pretty fugly in person.

Baby Gerry of Full Force/Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam:
I was with my friend Nadia Ali *see next listing* in Forest Hills. We were walking around, deciding what movie to see. A car passes by and Nadia just decides to wave. They come over. I was a bit apprehensive as they pulled over- we didn't know these guys! Unbeknown to us, it was Gerry and Shy, from Full Force AKA the "Cult Jam" part of Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam. Although their studio was in Brooklyn, they were living in Queens, in Lefrak City with Shy's mom. We became really good friends and hung out a lot of times. There are even pictures of us someplace! We eventually lost touch when I moved.

Nadia Ali:
Nadia Ali was (one of my) best friends. She was 2 years younger than me, but we really clicked. We hung out all the time, and had a blast together going clubbing, watching movies, you name it. She was always singing and loved R&B songs. When I was about 20 or 21, she got a job at Versace. This was around the time we lost touch, we were both working, had boyfriends, and she got insulted when I didn't go to a barbecue her family was having. She got discovered at Versace, and the rest is history. She has the hit single "rapture". I wish her all the best! I never knew she was so talented, but she sounds amazing! Can't believe she is the same girl I went to Francis Lewis High School with! Go Hazel!

Phil Donahue:
My friend and I attended one of the last tapings of his show. He had the cast of "Frasier" on, minus the guy that plays Niles. Even Eddie the dog was there. After the show, Phil personally shook everyones hands, and thanked us for coming to the taping.

Kelsey Grammer:
While the rest of the cast ran outta there, Kelsey stuck around and shook everyones hand. He apologized for not giving out autographs, as he had another taping to attend right after this one.

Ghostface Killah:
I was walking on 34th and Broadway, and all of a sudden see Ghostface, walking with his crew. He was high as a kite. I knew it was him from his trademark thin beard and unique voice. He turned to his friends and said "I'm hungry..what are we gonna eat? I want some Indian food". Then they went into McDonald's! And he just sat right by the window where everyone was!

DJ Polo:
Dj Polo used to hang out at 78th Street Park in Jackson Heights, AKA Travers Park or (sorry Hub- the REAL 78th Street park). He would hang out by the handball courts, where I hung out, and occasionally by the B ball courts.

Crazy Sam (Video Music Box):
IDK where Crazy lived exactly, but when we would hang out on 74th Street(J. Heights), we would see him walking from the train station, walking towards 37th Avenue. We would all say Whats up to him, and he would smile and say whats up! back to us.

Madonna:
I was hanging out the day of the MTV Music awards with a friend, her friend came along and said he knew where Madonna lived, it was Midtown, somewhere on the West side. We waited, and before long some other people joined us. In an hour there were about 35 people. She came out of her apartment with her assistant, everyone shouted "Madonna!" She just covered her face with her hands and ran off to her car. She didn't even LOOK at anyone. I know we were basically stalking her, but she could have at least smiled.

Cynthia Nixon:
Recently, my coworker and I were on a coffee break. We were crossing 32nd and Park Avenue, and she said "Look, that's Cynthia Nixon". I looked and sure enough it was! I would have asked for her autograph, but she was with a group of people. She looked rather plain, which is surprising, and she was wearing a HUGE hat, I am sure so people wouldn't recognize her. She looked as if she was just hanging with her friends.

John Leguizamo, Carson Daly, Peter Boyle, Walt Clyde Frasier:
My coworker and I went to a Knicks game, since our Execs have courtside seats and couldn't use them one day. We were in the front center, Walt Frasier was sitting right in front of us. My coworker was fascinated, I had no idea who the guy was. I was thrilled to see in the left front row (what I call the celebrity section), John Leguizamo with his wife (he is REALLY short and ULTRA skinny in person), Carson Daly (before he was anorexic- he looked much better then), Peter Boyle and even the little annoying creepy-looking curly haired girl from the Pepsi commercials. I kept trying to get up to get their autographs, but there was a ramp separating the 2 sections, and everytime I tried they would already be gone. Only some lucky teenage girls got a chance because they were in the same section.

Sanjay Kumar (Former CEO of Computer Associates, Part owner of the Islanders):
Some of us from my firm, myself included, went out to dinner with Sanjay, along with a lot of other people. We had dinner at a place called PJ's Steakhouse on the Island. He was very nice, and later we met once again when we went to a benefit where he was being honored at Cipriani. Then they found out he cooked the books, so now he is serving 12 years!! I went to dinner with a Corporate Criminal....how awesome is that?

Additionally:
I saw CeCe Peniston perform at Queens fest in Flushing Meadow Park, Saw Voyce on Bell Boulevard, met some people from Hot 97 in Bang Bang on 82nd St, Saw Conan O'Bryan and Sally Jessie Raphael, met the guy who played "Larry" On Three's Company, and Mr. G. (The weather guy) at my Junior High School, saw one of Liberace's last performances, and saw Marla Maples in a limo.

Office Etiquette 101

Sadly, these pointers are based on my experiences, and people close to me.

* The speakerphone button on your phone is OPTIONAL and usually used when one is holding/attending a conference call. I don't need to hear your personal voicemails and there is no need for everyone to hear our conversation- especially if we are right next door. Really, its not that hard to pick up the receiver.

* Never, under ANY circumstances heat up fish in the microwave. It makes it really bad for those of us who just wanted a cup of coffee and now have to drink one that tastes like salmon.

* Stop looking at porn and then calling me a prude when I complain.

* Do not make comments about people's weight/hair/clothes/makeup/shoes. Gee Brenda, you shouldn't be eating those donuts, or Ned what the hell are those bumps all over your face makes people feel bad and makes you look like an ass. This is not junior high school. Keep your thoughts to yourself.

* Stop ogling the young, female interns. We are not in prison. Go outside, turn on the tv, there are gorgeous women everywhere. There is no need to fall all over yourselves when she simply asks "Can I borrow a pen?".

* Keep your racist comments to yourself. One day a new hire will surprise you because she didn't look like a "insert terrible stereotype here" and will sue the company.

* If you work in a cube next to others, please shower and wear deodorant daily. People can't make phone calls while distracted by your smell.

* If you are going to listen to internet radio, or a cd, please be aware that there are others around you who may not want to hear Katy Perry while they are on a sales call.

* Men, if you are butt ugly, stop telling stories of how you bed 10 different women a week and don't even have to buy them a drink. No one believes you. Unless you hang out in a bar for the blind.

* Please don't bore us all with how great you USED to be. i.e. "before I worked here, I was making 5 grand a week and never had to show up to work" or " I used to be one of the top attorneys in NY". Really? You work in the mail room. What happened?

* If you don't work here anymore, stop showing up every week as if you still do. The majority of us don't care that you are now married, have a new job, bought a house, etc.

* Walking loudly up and down the hall does not make you seem important. Neither does walking with an empty file folder under your arm, unless you actually ARE important.

* Stop saying you are SO busy that you cannot go out to lunch or leave the office before 10pm. Seriously, you have no life.

* Please do not use the bathroom stall as your personal phone booth for 28 minutes. This means I have to WAIT to use the bathroom because YOU are on a personal call.

* When attempting to get my attention, try my name, instead of PSSSST. I am not a cat, so therefore will not respond.

* Also, please NO whistling. Even worse is whistling whole songs! While you have a talent that I clearly do not, it is highly distracting when I just want to finish my spreadsheet.

* Please don't call me to ask me how to cut, copy and paste. And don't act like I am a genius because I can insert a comment in Excel or press CTRL ALT DLT and bring up a list of programs I am running.

* And help desk dept., when I call you to tell you my computer is slow, please don't tell me to run a disc cleanup, delete my cookies/browsing history, clear my cache or do a defrag. I know all of this, I can see how much free space I have. Perhaps I need a new computer. And "new" does not mean one that is sitting in the back room.

* If you have a blackberry, you have one for a reason. Stop leaving it on your desk, it defeats the purpose.

* If you call someone and they are not at their desk you have a few options. You can: leave them a voicemail, send them an email, call back later, leave a note on their desk. Do NOT attempt to call every single person in the office asking if they have seen this person. And do NOT send someone in the bathroom to give them a message. Unless the building is on fire.

* We have many phones here. There is no need to scream for me, and then scream louder when I don't answer.

*When I have a TON of stuff on my desk, and you ask "Are you working on anything right now"...why not just say, "I see you are very busy but I really need this right away".

* If you have ever made coffee and forgot to put the coffee grinds and/or the filter in, you've no idea HOW to MAKE coffee. Please get yours pre-made in a cup from Dunkin Donuts.

* Men, please stop being jealous of us because we can wear sleeveless tops in the summer and still look professional. You would look like a doofus if you wore a sleeveless top. And get over your hatred of flip flops already!

* Do not yell at someone else for being late when YOU forgot your keys and therefore missed a very important conference call.

* Do not stand in front of the fax machine while faxing 28 pages. This will take a very long time.

* Chances are, if your office is in the hallway, your promotion did not go through.

* Do not order 9,000 post it notes in an attempt to get a free video camera.

* If you are going to call in sick please have a valid excuse (or lie). Here are some examples that someone in my place actually used: " I couldn't come to work yesterday because my girlfriend was gonna sell all my shit on the street if I did". "I was not at work because my girlfriend and I had a fight and there were 35! cops in my apartment". "My car got stolen and then it got towed". "I was working on the barges to set up for the fourth of July, I got a splinter in my ass and had to stand up the whole night, so I didn't get any sleep."

* Do not initiate a game of tag in the office. Ever.

* Do not call and say that you have your timesheet with you in Belize and ask to fax it over.

* Do not cry when you find your timesheet that you have not filled out on the bathroom door because I am trying to teach you a lesson.

* If you need to call directory assistance, I will scream if I hear you say "Henry, H as in horse E as in easy, N as in Nancy, R as in Ralph, Y as in yogurt".

* If I have the door to my office closed, do not try to open the door and then knock and say "what are you doing in there?". I wanted privacy, perhaps?

* If your wife is boring, controlling, not that attractive, stupid, lazy, etc. please stop complaining and get a divorce.

* Do not give me work at 5:50. This is the time I like to finish my work, not start it.

* Do not eat all of the candy/snack supply when the person who keeps it goes home. You will then have your chocolate intake rationed.

* Do not wear so much cologne that we know you are in the office by the smell of "Obsession".

* Let me take my coat off and get acclimated before joining a meeting.

* Just because you sit closer to the kitchen then the bathroom does not mean you should brush your teeth in the kitchen.

* Please don't create scientific experiments by leaving black bananas in the fridge.

* If you make six figures, don't whine about how hard you have it, and how you just spent $80,000 in home repairs to someone making $20,000.

* Don't pimp out the women in your office to make your clients happy. It is a different kind of working girl you want for a task like that.

* Do not open my windows because you don't have any and its "too hot". I detest flies. Also, if you come into my room more than 3 times a day to check the weather, I will charge a fee.

* If I am on my hour break, and you only get a half hour break, don't walk by me and say "Hmmph, I wish I had your job!".

* Do not give out the office's 800 number to every single person you know, so that every time the phone rings its for you. You will then be given the phone bill.

* Do not open a personal meal account(and not be able to afford the $2,000 you racked up in one month) in the same place the firm has the corporate account.

* Stop saying "Step into my office" when you don't HAVE an office.

Some additional pointers:

1/2 hr.= 0.50, not 0.30
1/4 hr.= 0.25, not 0.15
3/4 hr.= 0.75, not 0.45

Word documents end in .doc and cannot be accessed through excel.
Excel docs end in .xls
Adobe docs end in .pdf
Powerpoint docs end in .ppt

Train Etiquette 101

* Please do not stand in FRONT of the train doors when people are trying to enter/leave the train. And don't wonder why 5 people just shoved you.

* Please do not reserve a seat for your purse, backpack or shopping bags. They did not pay a fare and those of us who did would actually like to use that seat.

* The train is NOT a place for lessons in makeup application. Get ready at home, or wait until you get to work. Watching you apply your foundation, blush, eyeliner, eyeshadow, mascara, and set with powder is nothing new to me. Besides, you could poke your eye out!

* You are not a Goddess simply because you have a baby. Stop running over people's feet or yelling at someone if they happen to bump into your gargantuan stroller.

* If you want to preach about God, go to church! There was once a woman on the way to the 6 train proclaiming" Jesus Christ is around the corner". I looked...couldn't find him.

* Most of us are tired. Stop leaning your entire body on a pole. I often put my fists in their back. After this, some people realize they are being ignorant. Some do not.

* If you are in an above ground train, please stop calling people loudly on your cell phone and exclaiming "I'm on the train".

* If you have a large backpack or bag stand STILL or put it on the floor next to you! It takes up too much room and hits me in the face/chest/stomach with every move you make.

* Ladies, if you are wearing a skirt and choose to sit, cross your legs. If you are trying to get a free gynecological exam, this is not the way to do it.

* Men, please stop taking the seat next to me and then spreading your legs. I don't want to feel your bony knee on mine, nor do I think you need that much room.

* If you are extremely large, do not under any circumstances sit in a middle seat. Stand or wait for an aisle seat.

* There is an unspoken rule that the left side of the escalators is for walking. Please do not be the ONLY one to stand on the left side while people are in a hurry to get up or down.

* Tall Europeans and teenage boys: Stop stretching your legs to the pole in front of you therefore creating an obstacle for everyone boarding. I should not have to jump over your leg to get through.

* Please wear deodorant. Especially in the summer.

* Perverts, do not grab our asses in a full car so we turn around and have no idea who the culprit was. Also, please do not take IT out under any circumstances, as witnessed by a friend and I when we were 16. Also, no taking pictures of teenage girls! Aren't there porn sites for sickos like you?

* We are not supposed to eat and drink on the train for a reason. I will switch seats if I see someone standing over me with a Dunkin Donuts coffee cup, I once witnessed a guy spill his coffee all over the floor, he picked up the empty cup and left the mess. Although, the weirdest thing I have seen someone eating on the train was pancakes with syrup. With his HANDS.

* Control your kids! Why is your kid kicking/hitting people? And stop cursing at your kids. You can tell them to be quiet, but please stop asking them to "shut the F up".

* Yes, I realize there are no trash receptacles in the train cars. But stop leaving your chicken buckets, sandwich wrappers and coffee cups all over the seats and floor. Throw your trash in a bag, there are many garbage cans in the station.

* You have an iPod- so does everyone else. You are not responsible for providing entertainment to the entire car.

* This is not the place to sell things. If i need a toy for my child, or batteries, or feel like donating money to your schools basketball team, I don't have to be on a train to do it.

* Just because you sing/breakdance/perform magic/are homeless/tell me your husband has 70 deadly diseases does not mean that I will give you any money. Not to mention you fail to realize you are disrupting people's sleeping/reading/conversations/video games.

* Just because I am short does not mean you can reach over my head to hold the pole. This is extremely uncomfortable.

* Also, if you are tall hold onto the railing up top. Don't hold onto the bottom of the pole and make me stretch my arm out of its socket.

* Do not almost knock a woman over to get a seat she may want and then flirt with her. You will not be given the time of day.

* Do not hold the doors for your friends or try to squeeze in at the last moment when the doors are closing. Your Chanel purse might get stuck, or worse, your hand.

* Stop falling asleep on me. Everyone sleeps on the train, but we do not rest our head on the person next to us or snore loudly. It is a distraction while I am trying to read my interesting book.

* There is no reason you cannot carry tissues with you on your commute. I was once holding onto a railing and got a wad of snot on my hand.

* Just because you read the Times, you do not need to smack 5 people in the face whilst turning pages. Learn how to fold and read, or switch to the Daily News.

* Do not start reading my newspaper/book with me. Get your own.

* If you are over the age of 2, cover your mouth when you cough/sneeze/wheeze. I shouldn't feel the need to wear a hospital mask on the train.

* If you are pregnant or elderly, I have no problem giving my seat up for you. Although it pisses me off when men and people younger than me play ignorant.

* On the other hand, I am not giving your child my seat unless he/she is sick. Your child got on the train for free, so do not glare at me while you stand in font of me expecting me to stand up so your child can sit.

* When on stairs or escalators, please stay to your right. Do not glare at ME when you walk down MY right side and wonder why I am not moving out of your way.

* When you swipe your metrocard, and it says "insufficient fare" that means you have no MONEY on the card. Please head to the nearest vending machine to refill it. DO not stand there confused, speaking another language blocking everyone's entry/exit.